Anything generally penis-shaped that I found has been shoved up my ass and anything slippery has been used on my cock. If it even resembled a hole, I tried to fuck it. (No animals or anything else disgusting or illegal, cha!)
The first thing I ever tried to fuck, no shit, was one of the above games. That's right, I put my dick in a hole in the connect four! Of course it was too small and it didn't work out, to say the least.
A slight bit later, I started realizing that not only did I want to put my dick in things, I wanted to put things in my ass. One of those is pictured below.
Yep, I tried to put a hot dog up my ass. FYI, something in the hot dog kinda burns there. It is not advised. I also tried a banana, big surprise, right? Much better but the best part was using the skin to beat with; it's really slippery. I actually remember being like 15 and cumming using that banana peel! Ha! It was good.
So, one day I was cleaning my room. My mom would come in periodically to make sure I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, but there was a good bit of time in between. I was vacuuming with a really old 60's canister vacuum. The vacuum cleaner sucks. I wanted to get sucked. "The vacuum cleaner sucks!"
Damned if I didn't stick my dick in the vacuum hose! Side-note: older vacuums seemed to have hoses with a larger diameter. I've tried this since and they're always too small. But, that vacuum was just right! It was awesome! If you put your cock in so that there's a small amount of space on one side, that side will start vibrating against the inside of the hose, it's really pretty amazing when you get it right and in the right sized hose in relation to your cock size. So, yes, I blew a load in the vacuum cleaner. Of course, I did it more than just that once.
So, my question to you is; what's the weirdest or funniest thing you ever tried to get off with?
LOL!! I used a vacuum cleaner once...and I honestly thought it was going to rip my cock right off! I turned it off before I came. But, like you, I've also tried a variety of improvised toys.
ReplyDeleteIt may not fit the weird category...but I've used ziplock baggies. Close the top, cut a small part of a bottom corner out, squeeze in a little lube and slide it over your dick. I've actually found this will pretty much stay in place after I lose my hard-on. Maybe that's the solution for your middle of the night, half-awake toy to fuck.